Black Femininity: Rejecting Forced Masculinisation & Taking Up Space

For as long as I can remember, I have felt uncomfortable in my femininity. I have witnessed those around me masculinise me in ways I despised. My femininity felt ill-fitting and false.

In an attempt to devoid black women of value, systems of white supremacy have conjured up a multitude of ways to forcefully masculinise black women by associating our qualities and features with the masculine, thus painting us as lesser and uncouth women. Darker skin was, and is, seen as ugly, our curvier bodies are painted as manly yet never soft, and our valid reactions translated into aggression. Of course, there are women who prefer to present and be perceived as masculine, however, the offence in our case, is the forcefulness and ulterior motivation behind such schemes. We are stripped of our autonomy over how we present to the world and categorised as inferior.

I spent most of my secondary school life hyperaware of the differences between myself and my white female counterparts. I developed early and naturally had a curvier physique from a young age, as many black women can attest to, which I was made to feel self-conscious of very quickly. I was never seen as soft or feminine. I was almost one of the boys; someone they always felt comfortable being boisterous around, and rarely afforded the privilege of being treated with care. As I grew up and began to date, a new layer of confusion was added to the mix. I was viewed as a lower maintenance and aggressively independent person.

‘Soft life’ was rarely an option for me, ‘struggle love’ often seemed to sit in its place.

My emotions were constantly reduced to anger and aggression. I watched, dumbfounded, as my white friend’s words would be doted on. I struggled to understand what set us apart so violently.

As a dark-skinned black woman, I will always be perceived with these additional layers. Often, people are unaware that they view us with such prejudice until it is challenged. A common response to feeling uncomfortable in one’s femininity is to shrink oneself. The best way I could describe the feeling of being forcefully masculinised was feeling ‘bigger than other women’. This has nothing to do with size; I felt as if my femininity was under constant scrutiny, I felt clunky.

The turning point was realising that femininity, as with most phenomena of life, is intersectional. Black femininity is expressed separately to white femininity; the same applies to South Asian, Indigenous cultures and so on. Each group house their own definitions of the feminine. You will always feel othered and at a disadvantage trying to live up to the ideals of another race.

I am not a white woman; that femininity is not mine to claim, nor is it what I want.

Western beauty and cultural standards are so widespread and reproduced that they feel universal. Femininity is and will always be subjective. There is no right or wrong answer. Reconnect with your roots and look inward. Our culture celebrates curves, leadership, and passion in our women, so celebrate these qualities in yourself. Take up space and establish your femininity as valid and one to be respected because you deserve to be seen in your softness.

You are the woman you were meant to be.