Spiritual Sensuality: Celibacy, Womb Healing & the Death of Performative Sex

Often, we are taught that sex is sacred, but for what reasons? Purity culture and the control of women’s bodies are usually the motivations for such lessons. In retaliation, we have swung the pendulum to the other extreme, embarking on a journey of false sexual liberation in an attempt to prove we too can harbour the same spiritless sex lives men are so widely encouraged to have. But is this truly liberation? Or are we inviting those who do not deserve our bodies to further use and control them? Sexual liberation is often misconstrued as simply having multiple sexual partners, when in reality, this notion is one that continues to serve men and disempower women.

True sexual liberation is radically accepting your body, your yoni, as sacred and to be shared with those who view it as such. Now this can be with multiple partners, one, or none. Our liberation is built upon having the choice to be intimate with deserving and quality partners. Not people who simply intend to use our bodies to masturbate without a second thought for our pleasure, desires, and, most importantly, safety.

Through understanding the sacrality of my yoni, my womb began to heal. I’m sure you have heard the saying: ‘the body remembers’, and it does. It stores tension and trauma from past partners who have spat on our boundaries, refused to witness the divine feminine energy we emanate, and make no effort to spiritually connect with our vessels.

I found intentional celibacy after this realisation.

@MahaMaven perfectly encapsulates the thought process that led to my sexual solitude, one must ask oneself: ‘What has this [person] done to deserve the ultimate privilege, in the form of the highest level of access to my body?’ I quickly began to realise that very few people deserved to access me in those ways. I used this solitude to decipher what I needed from a partner in order to unequivocally gift my body to them. I needed to feel like an equal partner in sex, to feel safe and deeply desired. This took the form of intentional self-pleasure with a focus on awakening parts of my body rarely focused on, removing porn from my life entirely, and becoming comfortable in slow and gentle intimacy.

The prerequisites needed to feel safe in intimacy will change for everyone, therefore one cannot, and must not, shame women who desire multiple partners just as much as one cannot shame those who choose celibacy. Both avenues are paths towards sexual liberation, and both are sacred.

With such discernment comes the further refinery of one’s sex life. We ditch performative ideals and begin to learn how we truly desire to be intimate. We must strive to remain in our bodies by rejecting porn ideologies of how women move, sound, and derive pleasure. Unblock your throat chakra and be vocal on what fulfilling sex and intimacy look like to you. Balance your sacral chakra and seek those with sexual discipline and a hunger for healthy intimacy.

Re-discovering your sensuality is a deeply spiritual experience. Everyone’s awakening will take on a different form. It is common to feel imbalanced whilst navigating such an experience. After all, we all crave intimacy on some sort of level. So, lean into what your body is telling you. Detach from your mind and stay in your body. If you feel pulled towards a period of solitude, explore it. If you desire to seek a partner who reflects your needs, lean into it.

Death to performance, birth to authenticity.